Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
