So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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