look no pants
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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