i just had sex bonerless
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
