Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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