don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
