READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
