living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
