i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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