The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
