Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
