I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
