We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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