Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
