Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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