i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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