First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
