I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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