is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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