were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
