We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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