but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
