I think scott just propositioned me for sex
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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