I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Randomize
