So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
