also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
FUCK WHALES
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
