my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
