I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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