I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
