nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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