bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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