bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
