Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
