Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
