yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
