I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
