my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
