we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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