Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
