I hate all girls vehemently.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
