omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
accomplished twins. life is a go
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
