This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
time to smoke my breakfast
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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