He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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