sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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