i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
