PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
