At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
