I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
