Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
