I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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